You find a boyfriend, and the question everyone asks you after you have been together a while is ‘any wedding bells?’
You get married, and then the question turns into ‘when are you having a baby?’
You have a baby, and then the question turns into ‘when are you having baby number 2?’
Anyone else resonate? Well, that’s the question that i’m currently faced with. Time and time again.
Now that I have a toddler who is 2 and a half, people can’t understand why the hell i’m not pregnant with my second yet, because that’s what ‘people do’ apparently, and it’s ‘the norm’. Cue lack of apology for not ‘conforming’ to the ‘norm’.
There is so much pressure out there from society for women to find a partner, get married, settle down and have kids ‘before it’s too late’; and then raise the kids to be the perfect little human beings. People often forget that women have identities prior to having children, and sometimes have worked hard to get to where they are in life, and therefore maybe they don’t want to conform to ‘the norm’ within pre defined timelines. (Or, some may think i’m out of order for putting me first)
I’m a year and a half back to work since my maternity leave, and have to say I am absolutely loving life. It took a while but I have finally got ‘me’ back, with the perfect dose of work and motherhood combined; and I am happy. I get to go to the gym, go out with friends, excel at work, and have most recently taken on doing another Masters degree to help further develop my career – all whilst trying to be the best mum, wife, daughter, sister, colleague I can. And you know what, I think i’m doing pretty damn well right now. Don’t get me wrong, I thought that i’d be trying to have baby number two way before now, all because that’s what people do right?
I do want more kids – 100%, and I absolutely love being a mum! But, I have to do what’s right for me and my family, and not stop to have kids when society tells me I should be having kids, or because my someone says my ‘son may get lonely’.
Recently someone eluded to the fact I must have been trying for ages and tried to console me that these things sometimes take time. I literally could not stop laughing, because of course that’s what they thought since i’d been back at work for over a year and hadn’t got pregnant again yet. People really should spend more time taking note of what is going on in their own lives rather than judging others, or having opinions on what they should be doing at a specific point in their life. On top of that, imagine if I had been trying, and was having problems conceiving – how would that conversation have made me feel?! Society really needs to stop all this generalisation!
The bottom line is, yes, I do want to extend my family, and I love being a mum, but i’ll start trying to do it when I think it’s right for ME, not when everyone else thinks I should be having more children.
Mummy S x