Why “the real me” quit social media

Share here

Back in 2007 a friend of mine told me about a new social media platform – Facebook. “Join”, she said, “it means we can all still keep in touch easily!”

I was fresh out of university, and had moved to a new city for my first full time job. On joining, I never knew just how popular or addictive it would become.

It was great – over the next few years I became “friends” with old school friends, university friends, work colleagues, and friends of friends. Suddenly, anyone could get in touch with me and they didn’t need to have my number! Facebook meant that I could see what was going on in peoples lives without having to actually have a 1-2-1 conversation with them – it was great as I felt in the loop with everything.

Over the next few years I got a smartphone, and was then able to look at Facebook via the touch of a button – the app made it sooooooo easy. So, whenever I was on public transport or had a few minutes to kill, out came my phone and i’d scroll through to see what was going on, keeping up with my newsfeed.

I also LOVED posting on facebook. I’d check in to places, and post funky photos of where I was – especially if it was something fun that I wanted people to know about. I would get excited at notifications of likes and comments on my posts – it made me feel popular, as people were interested in what I was doing. I would post all the fun stuff I was doing at any opportunity I got. And when I went to a new trendy restaurant? One of the first things I’d do when entering the building was to check in!

The game changer for me came when I started overthinking what certain people were posting – about how much fun they were having, and what they were up to with their friends. I’d never paid much notice to those emotions before, but as I was going through some friendship difficulties, it really resonated with me. The final straw came when I found out some personal news about a friend on facebook rather than a conversation between us. That hurt. She hadn’t text me, she’d posted it online instead for all of her Facebook friends to see at the same time as me, and I was supposedly one of her best friends? What happened to getting in touch with your friends first? Or was this what the world was coming to? Facebook rather than personal communication? I was deeply upset.

I then came across an article about someone who had left social media after totalling up the amount of time she spent scrolling per month. If I spent 5 mins per hour, for 12 hours of the day on social media, that was an hour wasted a day, 7 hours a week, 28 hours a month (a whole day per month!)

Those stats made me review my use – why was I on social media? Why did I post on social media? How was social media making me feel? I then decided to de-activate my accounts. Just like that. People close to me didn’t think i’d be able to do it as I was on Facebook all the time. Even I wasn’t sure whether I could do it!

But, after a few weeks, it felt like a weight had been lifted. Like I had a part of me back. I suddenly didn’t care about what others were doing, and how much fun they were having – as I didn’t see it. I also didn’t feel the urge to post all good things on social media – instead taking the time to enjoy such moments, or share them on a more personal level with those who mattered.

18 months on, i’m still not on social media as “me”, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. It has made me reflect and realise that some people NEED that acknowledgement of how great their lives are, how people never post the bad things that happen – just the good, and just how much time is wasted feeling jealous of others. Time and energy that could be used elsewhere.

So, after I had my baby (and didn’t need to announce it on social media), Mummy Setra was born. Not because I missed social media, but because I wanted to start secretly blogging. And i’m pleased to say, that this has been a nice healthy relationship with social media where I can just breathe and be me, without the need to prove a point.

Mummy S x

Cuddle Fairy
DIY Daddy Blog

10 Comments

  • Emma T February 10, 2017 at 10:22 am

    Interesting to hear about your decision. I’m still there as me – I started on FB originally to keep up with dancing events/friends across the country which was pretty much essential to stay informed. I now rarely spend much time on the personal side. I keep up with my cousins – we wouldn’t if it was down to phone or email, and specific areas of my life (online mum friends from my original baby board/forum, and NCT friends I don’t see much in real life any more), but most of my current friendship group don’t really do much on there if at all. Many have deactivated. I use it a lot for blogging and dance still.

    While yes I do spend a lot of time on there, it’s for a purpose usually, and I don’t feel being on there/sharing stuff defines me. And it doesn’t worry me. My friends who aren’t on social media are terrible at keeping in contact, unless we’re arranging to meet up, so it would be easier if they were on there. But I guess it’s my way of communicating with people outside of the day to day/work. My OH doesn’t communicate at all in the evenings, and I’m quite chatty. So I can talk to the ‘tv’ (the OH tells me to stop talking to it, but really I’m trying to make conversation with him) on twitter and have those conversations on there. Some of my online friends have become people I’ll see outside of the internet too. Baby friends I’ll meet up with if I’m in their area on holiday, and bloggers at events. I think if you’re in control of your social media and using it for a purpose/not letting it get to you, it can be helpful.

    Reply
    • admin February 10, 2017 at 4:34 pm

      Hi Emma,
      Yes, I think everyone is completely different in their uses – i’m glad you have a good balance. I think I obviously had too many friends who used it to show off all the positives, and I was totally wasting time on it when I could have been putting my time to better use!

      Reply
  • Jaki February 22, 2017 at 4:29 pm

    It’s my tenth FB anniversary this year. How scary is that?! I don’t post half as much stuff on there as I used to, and since I started spending so much time blogging, I don’t actually have the time anymore! I pop on every now and again but I don’t do much. I work with social media so it’s lost it’s appeal a little now anyway. It does everyone good to take a break from it from time to time.

    Reply
    • Jaki February 22, 2017 at 4:29 pm

      #bloggerclubuk

      Reply
  • justsayingmum February 22, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    Oh I completely understand you and why you did this – we waste so much time on social media – I have to totally switch off at times so that I can actually do the things in life that I enjoy. It worries me how much time my teens spend on social media and the way they can easily live their lives through watching others living their lives – put the phone down and start living your own damn life I am regularly heard expressing! Good luck with the blog though! #BloggerClubUK

    Reply
  • Claire @ The ladybirds adventures February 22, 2017 at 8:25 pm

    I still have a ‘real’ facebook page but I do not update it much at all. I do use facebook for groups more than friends. I have a lot of ‘friends’ on facebook that I keep wondering about deleting (people from school etc that I haven’t seen in 15 years etc). I don’t know why I feel bad about going in and deleting lots of people though. #bloggerclub

    Reply
  • Becky Clark February 23, 2017 at 2:49 am

    Since starting my blog I have no time to be ‘me’ on social media. If I’m on Facebook it’s my page but I no longer aimlessly scrawl through status updates from people I haven’t seen for 10 years and I don’t miss it! Twitter and Instagram are now my favourite forms of social media but it’s more ‘blogger me’ than ‘regular me’ #BloggerClubUK

    Reply
    • admin February 23, 2017 at 2:51 pm

      Same!

      Reply
  • Tim February 25, 2017 at 11:49 pm

    It’s funny how much social media has crept up on us and inserted itself as such a major part of so many of our lives – even to the extent where it’s now key to my day job too. But it is definitely too easy to fret about other people’s ‘perfect’ lives or to lose hours on end to checking updates. Setting boundaries and learning to step away are key life skills for anyone of our generation! #bloggerclubuk

    Reply
  • Mrs Mummy Harris February 26, 2017 at 1:38 pm

    I’ve noticed since i started my blogs FB page that i’ve not really been on there as “me” as often. I might scroll through my feed but i comment more on fellow bloggers hings rather than friends. i turned my personal instagram into my blog one and i actually feel better for it – before i got upset if noone interacted with posts about me or Ben and now i have loads as rather than friends doing what they feel they have to, i have fellow bloggers actually bothering to interact as they like what they see! #BloggerclubUK

    Reply

Leave a Comment