I’m not exactly sure when it happened, and it took me a few weeks to realise, but suddenly, as soon as I had pushed a baby out, people didn’t want to know about ME anymore.
Family and friends who used to call me for a chat, ask me to go to dinner / shopping, all of a sudden didn’t want to know about me, it was all about this little human being that i’d pushed out of me.
Nine months later, trying to get back into the swing of “normal” life, I am starting to feel it even more. With certain people in my life who don’t seem to want to know about me, and just the little one, I often ask myself where I went wrong. Or, why, the attention shifts so much that people don’t think you matter, or have feelings.
I wonder whether I am over analysing the situation, but to me it’s quite clear that the attention has fully shifted to the little man. During my pregnancy these people used to want to speak to me, and listen to what I had to say, and do fun things together. These days, I may as well not be in the room, as half of the things I say seem to get ignored as they are too busy cooing over the baby – and no, I’m not wearing Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak!
Thankfully there are some great people in my life who still remember that, yes, I may be a mummy now, but first and foremost, I am still a person. Something that I wish more people would remember.
People say that weddings and babies change people, and I really have found that. Relationships have certainly changed, and I have really been able to see those people who actually care about me, and those who are only interested in the baby I pushed out.
I love my little boy to bits, and am so pleased that he is loved by so many people, but, it is still disheartening to know that some people’s attention has shifted so much towards him that I feel invisible to them most of the time.
I read a great blog post by Sian over at Quite Frankly She Said about how she hardly has any photos of her with her children, and I can completely relate to that. Everyone wants a photo of themselves with a cute baby, or a picture of the cute baby on their own, but no one wants a picture of that baby with their mummy. My phone is therefore filled of selfies, as that is the only way I know I will get photos of the two of us together.
I am lucky to have a very supportive group of friends in my life who I can talk to quite honestly, but I can now see one of the reasons women may suffer from postnatal depression after their babies are born, and how easy it is to miss.
People need to remember that although there is a lovely new baby entering their lives, the babies mum is still a person, just like she always was – so don’t forget to treat her like one.
Mummy S x